The Power of 8 Minutes - Have you got the Time?

We’ve all been there – feeling low, wishing someone would reach out. It’s especially poignant today, on Blue Monday, often dubbed the most depressing day of the year. Yet asking for help can feel daunting. Will you seem attention-seeking? Are your problems important enough? Or maybe you’re just overreacting.

And then, a text arrives: “Hey, how are you?”

This is your chance to share. To be honest and seek support.

But what do most of us reply?

“I’m good, thanks. You?”

It’s automatic, isn’t it? We’re conditioned to keep it brief, to avoid vulnerability. But why do we shy away from saying how we really feel?

When I was a restaurant manager, one of the most crucial parts of the customer journey was the check back – It’s the part when the waiting staff pop over and ask you how your food is – “Is everything alright with your meal?” Most customers, mouth full of food, would respond with a polite but dismissive “Yes, thanks.” It felt robotic, transactional.

So, I encouraged my team to change their approach. Instead of a closed question, they’d ask something like, “How are you enjoying your food choices today?” The difference was palpable. Customers lit up. They smiled. Suddenly the staff were no longer just a tool that enabled customers to get their food, but they are now a real person who positively contributed to the customers experience. The interaction became personal and meaningful.

Why am I sharing this? Because when you ask better questions, you get better answers.

It’s not that people don’t want to open up when asked if they’re okay. It’s that the question often feels standard, impersonal and unengaged. Humans crave connection, we are social creatures – it’s a basic need, as Maslow’s hierarchy reminds us. After food, shelter, and health, we seek belonging, friendships, and meaningful interactions.

Yet in our world, dominated by smartphones, the internet and TikTok dances, genuine connection is harder to come by. Even on my commute, as I drive past the bus stop, I see kids texting friends that are standing right next to them. Look up!

This is where the power of 8 minutes comes in. Introduced to me by Simon Sinek[1], motivational speaker and author, the idea stems from a simple study. During the COVID-19 pandemic, researchers explored how brief, regular phone calls affected mental health.

Published in _JAMA Psychiatry_[2], the study involved 240 adults who received empathy-focused calls a few times a week. Callers, trained in empathetic conversational techniques, asked open-ended questions and gave participants space to share. The results were profound: participants experienced notable reductions in depression, anxiety, and loneliness – within just four weeks.

Inspired by this, Simon shared his own story. A friend of his was struggling with a difficult time and he was upset she hadn’t reached out to him. She expressed however that she did, and as they went through their message exchanges, she had indeed sent him vague invitations for a coffee or catch-up – but he hadn’t realised they were calls for help. To avoid future misunderstandings and to ask for some help, they adopted a phrase: “Do you have 8 minutes?”

This simple question prompts a different response… even if you didn’t know the code word. You’ve challenged the norm and requested a different response. Like my waiting staff’s shift in approach, it prompts a more engaged response.

So, this Blue Monday, harness the power of eight minutes. Reach out to a friend or loved one and ask, “have you got eight minutes?” You might brighten their day, or even transform it.